It’s like…instantaneous that when this happens, I shut down and the other person suddenly becomes undesirable and annoying and I just want to get out of it as fast as humanly possible. Maybe it’s just that I’ve changed, because I did give the last guy, Nick, a solid month before I was like, “back the fuck off.” But even then, there were little moments here and there where I thought, please just give me ten seconds to not have to flirt with you because you are exhausting me.
Which brings me to the fairly unsettling part of this (unsettling to me, I mean). I don’t mind interacting with him, I enjoy talking to him and texting him (because, let’s get real, that actually matters in this day and age), and—here’s the big one— I want to be around him.
I’m SUPER independent and solitary. Spending time alone is my thing. But I had a shitty, albeit self-inflicted, day today. Normally, I would really like to shut down and go home and not function. Right in the midst of an almost meltdown, he came to the library and sat at the same table as Hannah and I while we did our lengthy annotated bibliographies, and I was so smitten with that.
Smitten? What the fuck? That’s not even part of my vocabulary.